Coffee With E

Breaking Free from Comparison: How to Set Boundaries and Find Confidence

• Erica Rawls

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Are you tired of feeling like you’re falling behind in life? In this episode of Keeping It Real, host Erica Rawls sits down with Racquelle Perry and Brooke Anderson to discuss practical ways to stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own path. They share heartfelt stories about navigating societal expectations, dealing with social media pressures, and learning to set boundaries that protect their peace.

Brooke opens up about choosing a non-traditional career path, while Racquelle reflects on the challenges of balancing ambition with self-acceptance. Both provide actionable strategies for stepping back, reevaluating your goals, and building a life that feels true to you.

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling “not enough” or want to learn how to take back control of your happiness, this episode is packed with insights you won’t want to miss.

Key Topics:

  • How social media fuels self-doubt
  • Recognizing when you need a break
  • Tips for setting healthy boundaries
  • Finding confidence through therapy
  • Letting go of unrealistic expectations

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Racquelle Perry:

I can't believe. I'm like an adult, right, so I battle with my adult pressures but still wanting to have like that childlike spirit. Think to yourself like Raquel, or I have to think to myself. Like Raquel, you have an amazing career, you're making an impact every day. You have a daughter who's eight, who's doing phenomenal, and you wrote a book. You've purchased a piece of property off of a whim Like you've done certain things that you should be proud of. But scrolling through social media sometimes can really steal joy it's okay to be like, okay, you know what.

Brooke Anderson:

That goal is not going to happen.

Brooke Anderson:

Let me set a more realistic goal

Erica Rawls:

Picture this it's 2 am and you're scrolling through your social feeds and it appears as if everybody has it together. People have their dream jobs, the perfect relationships, and they are just really on their grind. And you're sitting there thinking why can't I get my stuff together? Like, what is it? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not enough? Those are some of the questions that we're actually going to be talking about today.

Erica Rawls:

I don't know if you remember, but a couple months ago we had a group of four dynamic women. You know that episode Lessons Unheard. So we have two of them. We missed the other two, but I'm sure this episode is going to be dynamic because they are ready to be vulnerable and to share some more insight that resonated with you. Before we're just going to pack on to it Sit tight, grab some coffee. Whether you're commuting, whether you're at home, whether it's late at night, grab coffee. Grab some wine. Grab some coffee, whether you're commuting, whether you're at home, whether it's late at night, grab coffee, grab some wine. Grab some water or you know what. Just grab some quiet time for yourself and sit back and let's dive in. Ready ladies, yeah, let's do it. Raquel Perry yes, and Brooke Anderson Hello, and we're missing Daneisha and Quency. We really do miss y'all. For sure. We want to get us all back together. Have to, we have to, we have to.

Erica Rawls:

And yet I wanted to talk about the subject of emotional wealth. I thought it was really important because, for your generation, I see a lot of people focusing on the grind. But first I want to start with the definition, because I think it's really important for our viewers and our listeners to understand that emotional wealth means having a lot of positive feelings and happiness in your life. It's about feeling joy, staying strong during tough times and finding purpose in what you do. Now, unlike money or things, emotional wealth comes from taking care of yourself, building good relationships, setting boundaries and valuing your mental health. It also means understanding your feelings, handling them well and living in a way that matches what you care about.

Erica Rawls:

Now here's the important part for me Emotional wealth helps you grow as a person and feel happy for a long time. So it's not just what you see on the outside, it's also what you see on the inside. Okay, you ready to dive in? Sure, you know, we never just slide right to it, we just go right deep into it. So from that, have you ever experienced the pressure to constantly be on? Right Cause I think I see your generation um are doing this a lot, right Um constantly being on or keep hustling in your career or personal life Like you feel?

Racquelle Perry:

that 100%, um, and I think for me occasionally, sometimes I say like I'm still a little, I can't believe. I'm like an adult, right, so I battle with my adult pressures but still wanting to have like that childlike spirit. Okay, for example, for example, you know those are officials, you know those are visuals. So even with me being like an educator, all right, and I still am the teacher who we can crack us a joke or two. Yeah right, you can joke on me and I can joke on you. Um, sometimes they joke on each other and I still might chuckle. And it's just like, raquel, you are the adult in the classroom like come on, you cannot be chuckling at these jokes.

Erica Rawls:

So that's where.

Racquelle Perry:

I mean, like sometimes I had that battle back and forth, but in terms of the pressures, I guess, or what was the original question?

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, so you're experiencing pressure constantly, like always had a feeling of being on all the time.

Racquelle Perry:

So, yeah, like I was saying, I am 31 and I feel like you know, in nine years I'll be 40. For me, at 31, I feel like sometimes, especially scrolling through social media, that I'm not where I should be. Um, but then sometimes you have to think to yourself like Raquel. Or I have to think to myself like Raquel, you're, you have an amazing career, you're making an impact every day, you have a daughter who's eight, who's doing phenomenal, and you wrote a book, you've purchased a piece of property off of a whim. Like you've done certain things that you should be proud of. But scrolling through social media sometimes can really steal joy. Um, so when I'm looking through, the pressure to be like oh, I haven't done what I'm supposed to do yet sometimes pops into my mind. But it's like Raquel, you've done a lot. Yeah, like you've accomplished a lot. Right, like acknowledge that instead of trying to say like you have to do more. Like appreciate what's here now.

Erica Rawls:

Right, and I'm interested to hear your intake or your insight, Brooke. I mean for your age right, the mere age of 19,. I always interested to hear your intake or your insight, Brooke. I mean for your age right, At the mere age of 19,. I always have to say your age because I'm just thinking you're so phenomenal, for your age. You know what I mean, but you're trying to figure it out Like you're not your traditional 19-year-old. You're not going to college, you're not doing. I know what I mean.

Brooke Anderson:

That's a lot, yeah, so. So that's kind of what I was going to talk about. Like not going to college, like the pressure I feel, like it is the non-traditional path so you really have to, I feel at least. I feel like I really have to prove myself to people every single day, whether that's like I feel like if I take a day off, it's like well, you're not going to college, why do you need a day off? Like like you know what I mean, even though I am working, I do have my own mental health that I need to take care of. Like it is kind of hard to feel so pressured, but I do feel fortunate with my generation.

Brooke Anderson:

I feel like my parents' generation. They were always taught like you do have to be on. If you are like struggling, no one can see it. Like you're not allowed to have a day off. Like you're not allowed to have a mental health day. What's a mental health day day off? Like you're not allowed to have a mental health day. What's a mental health day?

Brooke Anderson:

I feel like I am with my school, with my, with my generation and, um, even like in middle school and high school, like there were days like they were. Like if you want to take off like you could have a mental health day. So I feel like very fortunate that I grew up in this generation where mental health is very like seen it's okay, it's okay to have, it's okay to not be okay sometimes, whereas I feel like with the older generations it's it was not okay. Like if you were off, you were seen as weak and now you're seen as strong for um, noticing and like wanting help. You know what I mean. But, like with the older generations, I feel like if you wanted help, you were seen as weak. So I don't know that I struggle with that too much, other than just the pressures of not going to college. But I mean, yeah, I think that's.

Erica Rawls:

Do you ever get tired of explaining yourselves like?

Brooke Anderson:

That's the biggest thing is just like.

Brooke Anderson:

They're like oh, why didn't you go? Oh, I just, I wanted to figure things out. I didn't want to go to college because I didn't want to spend that hundreds of thousands of dollars when I don't know what I want to do. You know what I mean. Like I have bounced around like worked in restaurants, I've tried real estate, I'm trying modeling. Like I'm trying all these different careers because I'm not quite sure when I what I want to do. And going to college, you have to dial in on one thing. You have to dial in on one major and to me that's the most terrifying thing and I was not ready for that and I think it's a lot to put an 18-year-old or 17 or 19-year-old on making the rest of your life decision. You're literally a teenager.

Erica Rawls:

Right. And then Martel, I guess for you being on, your responsibilities are totally different. Well, you were her age, right, you had a child, right? Well, I had Layla at 22. Oh, you were 22. Okay, my bad.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, so you were a little older, but I was in college my last year of school, so the pressure of that was still a lot. You know what I mean. Because walking around the college campus you're pregnant and it's like what People have this made up idea of who you are Like? I even remember my professor saying, well you know, because it was getting close to the time where I was going to get ready to have Layla, I think maybe January.

Racquelle Perry:

I had a conversation with my professor and he made the comment well, you know, that's the type of things you have to think about when you get pregnant. And it's just like, sir, I'm not asking for it, I'm just telling you that I know that there's a possibility I may go into labor in your classroom. I'm just letting you know ahead of time so that we can come up with a plan. Well, those are the things. It's like whoa, slow down, yeah, relax.

Brooke Anderson:

It's okay, Like it's okay.

Racquelle Perry:

Relax, that's not, even you know. Even that pressure in school was a little heavy for me at the time. But you know, push through.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, a hundred percent. A hundred percent, that's great. Thanks, ricky. What strategies do you use we were talking about a little bit to push back against the narrative that you know, productivity actually defines your worth, right? So you, I'm taking some time off, right, and trying to understand. Okay, well, it's okay for me to take time off because of my mental health.

Brooke Anderson:

Yeah.

Erica Rawls:

A lot of us when I, like you, said I'm your mom, right, I'm your mom, I'm taking too much time off, it's off. It's like, okay, well, you're not being productive, you're lazy, what do you do? Yeah, you're taking too long figuring things out. Let's do something, let's do something. So how do you combat that? Two of the two of you?

Racquelle Perry:

I'm not. Oh, my stomach is growing, sorry, I am uh. Who, how can I say this nice and sweet?

Erica Rawls:

No, don't.

Racquelle Perry:

I'm very big on, you can't walk in my shoes, Okay, so if I am telling you or if I am doing something, that's because one I have already accounted for. Whatever consequences are going to come, going to happen, Right. So in Brooke's instance, where she says you know, if I have to take a mental health day, if I have to take a mental health day and that means I have to stay in my room or I have to stay home or I have to call off whatever that looks like for me, I have to take the responsibility If I miss something at work. Oh well, like I am accepting the consequence when I make the decision to take whatever necessary time that I need for myself.

Erica Rawls:

So how certain are you that everyone's thinking that way? I'm not. I'm looking at all the consequences of what could affect my decisions, because I think that, as a parent, that's what we think about. Okay, are you sitting down to think about all of the consequences that could affect your decision, cause I can't speak for a hundred percent of everyone in your generation that you actually do that, like Brooke, could you say that you sit down and think about all of the consequences before deciding on an action? No, and that's why we're concerned and I'm so glad you were honest, like tell me some of the strategies that you use right to push back the narrative that you know your productivity is, you know, defined your worth.

Brooke Anderson:

So when I started out with real estate, productivity did define. Like when I started I was like, wow, if I fail at this, I suck. You know what I mean like. But as time went on, I was like, who cares? Like I tried and so I just don't see it that way. I've never seen it that way. If I give something a try and it doesn't work out, it just didn't work out and that wasn't my path. Like that was just not the path that I was supposed to take, and I don't see it as a fail, I just see it as like a lesson more so.

Racquelle Perry:

So that's kind of and that's as good that you had that at 18, because I think I my mind 19. She hang on to that one that's at 19, yes, 19, um, because I don't know if I got that until like 25 because I had that pressure of trying to please my parents. I'm very fortunate with the family that I have as well. We spoke about that last time. I had high pressure coming from my mother to be this specific person, including work and what you wanted to do, like post-graduation of college, but your mindset was more so like if I tried, I'd do it and it doesn't work out. So what?

Brooke Anderson:

like I didn't get that until like 25, it's not to say that, like I try everything, nothing works out and I'm like, okay, well then, I, you know, just don't have a job. Like it's not bad. Like I do put my everything into everything that I tried. You know, I just like, if I try it doesn't work out, like who cares, who cares? On to the next, like it does, it does sting. Like I mean it's it's not to say that doesn't sting, it's not like, oh man, like I put so much time and effort into this. Like I was upset. I was, I was super upset and I know that I could have done more.

Brooke Anderson:

But just the fact that, like, putting myself before my work, like I think everyone needs to do that and everyone needs to dig deep, because a lot of people, especially, like I said, my, my parents generation, like they never saw it that way. Like because they just had so much pressure from everyone outside you, just you can't let that affect you. Um, because that used to affect me, like whenever I wasn't going to go to college, I was so affected by everyone, like why not? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I was like, why does everyone care about my life? It's mine, so that, yeah, that's what it is, it's your life and no one else has any.

Erica Rawls:

Saying literally and I would like to shed light on that because, um, I want to applaud both of you, because I know people that are my age that still tie their productivity to their worth, right, and so you're saying, yeah, well, you know, my mom pushed me, so it took me a while to figure out. Okay, yeah, my productivity does not attach to my worth, or what I do is not tied to my worth, right, and I'm here to say that. I do know, um, because I struggled with that for a long time, that if I wasn't successful in a thing, then I wasn't worthy, right so, or that was my identity, right so then I failed. So just know that you two are probably ahead of the game and you need to probably give yourself some more grace, too, because you're light years ahead of possibly, a lot of other women, yeah, yeah, especially as women, right, yeah. So it's just hard, I think, not to do it.

Erica Rawls:

So I guess, like, how do you make sure that you get the rest, so that you can actually collect your thoughts Right and don't forget who you are, because I think that's huge. You know, this platform is all about self-worth, right? So, and I think it's really important that we let people know that. Okay, it's okay to not know what you're going to do in your future, right, and I do know what I want to do, and yet I still struggle. Sometimes I may want to pivot and change.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, so like how do you get that Make?

Racquelle Perry:

sure you get that rest to recollect your thoughts. Well, you know, for me I pay attention to how I feel, right, so very in tune with my body. So I feel. When I'm overwhelmed, I feel like, actually, about maybe like two weeks ago, I felt like heavy and I was like what is going on, raquel?

Racquelle Perry:

So for me, I had to write down like certain things that were happening over the course of like the past 30 days and I had to tap into like, okay, this happened which could have made you feel this way, and the course of these events happened and happened and happened, and it's like you didn't get a chance to regroup yourself from this last one. So, all right, I need some time to rest and group my thoughts. But, like, I think, to answer your question, the biggest thing is to pay attention to how you feel. A lot of us are on the go with that pressure of my productivity is attached to my worth and who I am. But if you take a moment to just sit down and be like, oh, I don't feel myself right now, and then you pretty much would know when, for me, at least, to take the rest, I got to be in tune with what's going on.

Brooke Anderson:

My rest is like what you said whenever you feel pressure, I literally feel like someone is just pushing me down on my shoulder, like literally just heavy. So what I do is well, number one I also write. I love writing so much Generally, yes, yes, like sitting outside and just writing, um, but sometimes if I need to talk to somebody, I have a therapist and it's literally just an hour out of like your day, your week. It's no time at all. Just talking to somebody outside of your bubble is very important and like it bothers me a lot, because I was always very anxious to be like, oh yeah, like I'm in therapy, like I was embarrassed because like people think that that's such a weak thing or at least I did honestly but, um, really, your generation, yeah.

Racquelle Perry:

I would think you all have, yeah, you all shed the light we have, and I was gonna say earlier like I'm a millennial, so like I feel like our generation started the ball, moving on this mental health discussion, because I started therapy in 2019. And the reason I started, uh, therapy in 2019 was because I just felt, like one, I wasn't at a place where I should be. My daughter was what? Three I was, you know, single mom. Her father and I aren't in the best place, or have never been in the best place. I'm in school and I'm working and I just did not feel like I was in a place where I should be. And then also, childhood trauma that I never worked through, trauma that I never worked through. So 2019, when I started going to therapy, was when people just start talking about, like, mental health, yeah, and going to see a therapist, but it was still one of those items where it's like a topic that you don't want to discuss.

Brooke Anderson:

Yes, it's like people might look too funny, still new and oh yeah, like I didn't ever want to go because I always thought my issues aren't as big as some other people. So going to therapy, like why I need therapy when I have like this great, wonderful life and some people have had way more hardships than me Like why do I need it? And like you know just as much as these people which everybody has problems. Everybody handles problems differently. Some people's are greater than others, yes, but like your problems still matter. So I think that like that that's my rest like therapy.

Brooke Anderson:

Just talking to somebody outside of my bubble telling them, hey, like I'm having a bad day and this is happening in my life and I need help, like I need you to tell me what to do or I just need to literally just get something off of my chest and especially having like an expert help you with that. Like even like I mean she just is like just journal. I'm like, okay, you told me journal, I'm gonna journal and I'm gonna feel good about it. You know what I mean. But like my mom will be like journal. I'm like, no, that's dumb, I think. I like literally, I think to me just having an expert telling me you know, like this is what you should do. This is gonna help. I'm like okay cool, like you know what I mean.

Brooke Anderson:

I think like just knowing that it's somebody who has you receive it different usually, you see, if it's totally my mom will be like I literally told you to do that and I'm like well, you don't have, you don't have a degree it's so true.

Erica Rawls:

It's so true because sometimes you just it, just you know, not only if, right, even you just hear it and you're just willing to accept it as you know it's coming from, um, a place where there's no exactly. I just yeah, unbiased opinion. Yeah, so you're like, okay, yeah, um, and your parents have your best interest at heart. Y'all do know that, right. Yeah, of course, and yeah, you did the Larry's and signed me off.

Erica Rawls:

Well, you know, we did try. We did try, we did try, yes, we did try. So I want to go back to some of our lessons. Unheard conversations Like what lesson do you wish you had embraced earlier? That you would have improved your mental and emotional health. Okay, what lessons do you wish you would have embraced earlier? Right, that would have improved your mental or emotional health.

Racquelle Perry:

It's okay to take your time and take a step back. It's because I was always go, go, go, go, go, go, go In college, join, join this, do this um, go to this organization's event and you know, keeping this social calendar and do it. But it's okay to take time for yourself, like I did not do that in high school. I was on all the or in these organizations, playing all these sports, um, anytime the school was doing something, whether it be a volunteer opportunity or I was signing up. When I got to college, it was the same way and it was boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, um. So, definitely, taking it's okay to take your time in life in general, with anything, um, and it's also okay to take a step back and take a moment to like all right, I need a break for like two, three months or even when people take a semester off from college, like that stuff like that is looked down on, but yeah, I agree.

Racquelle Perry:

I feel like the person that's taken that semester off should be looked at more like a hero, like they know that this is too much at this moment, like I wish that I knew that, because I probably would have taken a semester off.

Erica Rawls:

So why is this? Because you're bringing up a great point. So why is? It's probably every generation. But why do we feel the need to have met milestones? You know what I mean. Like, okay, at 18, I'm going to graduate and go to college. You know, at 22, I'm going to graduate and go to college. You know, at 22, I'm going to graduate and then go to, you know, go to my dream job. And then I'm going to be promoted by the time I'm 30, get married in between there and have a child. And if I don't achieve those things by a certain age, oh my gosh, why do we do that to ourselves?

Racquelle Perry:

I don't know, it's like a horrible roller coaster. I don't know why we do it Sometimes. I will say, for some people could be tied to family structure and it also could be tied to maybe childhood trauma, like I know. For me, with what I experienced in life, I felt like I don't want to say like I wasn't good enough, but certain things that happened in my childhood it was just you know, that's what you're good for type of situation. So it was like me proving to me and everybody else like no, I'm not that and this is what I am. For some people Again, I don't know, but I think for some people it could be a tie to family structure and some people could be like how about you?

Brooke Anderson:

To me, doing that whole planning out your life it's fun. To me. I don't see it as anything that's bad. I think everyone does that. Everyone lands their life because it's fun and you want to achieve these things. I think that when it gets haywire is when you don't achieve the goal that you planned. It's fine, like I never had these issues. I don't think like I think it's okay, you know, like I thought that I was going to be a millionaire by 20? Clearly not, that's not going to happen and that's fine. It's done, simply, but it's a fun goal. Like it's a fun goal, but like it's okay to be. Like okay, you know what. That goal is not going to happen. Let me set a more realistic goal. Like I think that's okay and I never saw it as anything that's bad to plan out or anything. Like I said, I see it as bad whenever it affects you in a negative way. Right right, if you don't achieve something, that's okay.

Erica Rawls:

Just set something more realistic that's what I'm coming off the heels of reading this book fail forward by john maxwell. Um, you made me think of. You know, you only fail if you stop right. And it's not failure, they're more like lessons learned. Yeah, and as long as you don't continue to do the same thing over and over again, right they, they define it as insanity Then, yeah, you are making improvements. So, okay, I was supposed to be here by the age of 20, a millionaire, but I didn't get there. Why was that and what can I do to course correct and make sure?

Brooke Anderson:

I get there within just five years. See how you can achieve that goal, but just push it back a little bit. It's okay to push it back. Yeah, like I said earlier, it's okay to take a step back. It's okay to push it back.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, like I said earlier, it's okay to take a step back. It's okay to take a step back and then it re-evaluates that, re-evaluate stuff.

Racquelle Perry:

So I think a lot of it has to do with social media.

Erica Rawls:

I want to go back to that because I think it's really important, because I too find myself looking at people's lives like, oh man, I should be further than this. So it can be unhealthy that comparison syndrome comes in, and it just can be so unhealthy for your well-being. So to unplug one of the things I was going to recommend, you know how do you recharge yourself? Unplug from social media, yeah, for sure.

Brooke Anderson:

I completely agree. I was told once comparison is the thief of joy and I like love that quote so much because it's so true and I actually have deleted Instagram and tiktok off my show and I like haven't. I haven't had tiktok for probably like almost a year now that's why I have a sting.

Brooke Anderson:

You, yeah, like I, I think I just have facebook now because that's, you know well, it's not my generation, so this is how you're there. Yeah, you know, I got um instagram. Like I get once in a while just to like see how you know everyone's doing. But I just have to remind myself, like you know what, even I do the same thing. Like I post things on instagram, but that's, you post the best parts of your life. You don't post when you're crying, or you don't post when you break up with somebody or you're in a fight with your mom. Like you only post, oh hey, like I'm in Italy, like I'm living life. You know what I mean? You just have to realize, like those are just the best parts of people's lives.

Erica Rawls:

It's like that's not their everyday, their highlight reels, exactly, yeah yeah, and don't get caught up with comparing you know your insides with the outsides, right?

Brooke Anderson:

That's good.

Racquelle Perry:

Because a lot. I don't remember who said it, but they said a lot of the times you watch people's end goal and you don't know the steps that it took them to get there.

Erica Rawls:

That's right A lot of people in the clouds, that's right, but you don't see them when they're out of mud, correct?

Erica Rawls:

I say that all the clouds, that's right, but you don't see them when they're out of mud. I say that all the time, like you always see people when they have made it. Yeah, sit down and ask them. Sit down and ask them. So what did you go through to get there? And I bet you that happened. It would be a surprise by some people's stories. Yeah, crazy story. So, and I think you give yourself its unfair advantage by doing that.

Brooke Anderson:

It's rough. Social media is rough. It's so, yeah, it's rough and like growing up with it it's, yeah, I mean every day, like you know in high school, oh my gosh, like this girl she got this. You know news photo beat. Oh, I have to get it. Like it's literally like mean girls. I'll have to get it's literally like mean girls to me because I'm like, oh my gosh, like she's the most popular girl in school. We all have to like follow that. You know what I mean and that was so hard to deal with in high school. Like you just have to be the best and it's like all derived from social media. You were the popular girl.

Erica Rawls:

Well, I was like I'm feeling like both of y'all were popular girls, probably Probably about yeah, it was so hard, it was just so hard.

Brooke Anderson:

Erica, she's doing the thing You're doing Ridiculous. I said no, no, but I'm serious. You still compare yourself to everybody. You will always compare yourself to somebody, and that's what needs to stop, and social media just gets you in that it literally supports.

Brooke Anderson:

But you see somebody and you're just like, oh my gosh, I want to be that person, but just be yourself. You know what I mean because that's I was so wrapped up in social media my entire high school like I hardly. Oh my gosh. It was every night, every night. Scroll, scroll, scroll, compare, compare, compare and like. It's just just so damaging to your mental health.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, so along those lines, share what are some boundaries that you set in your life that have actually helped protect you from feeling all those things.

Brooke Anderson:

Mine was deleting the social medias, like I just had to erase out of my thought. I mean, that is is huge, that's huge, yeah. And but I know some people can't do that because, like I struggle with, like, I feel like you can't because, like you're a real estate agent, that's how you promote yourself. Like you, you do it through social media, and so I don't know what advice to say to you, because that the only thing that happened to me was deleting it off my phone. That was the only way that I could get away from it. Wow, how about you? Who?

Erica Rawls:

um, it has made a big difference in your life, because I know I see you on social media. Yeah, matter of fact, this is because of you and um, one of our, um, our mutual, um people that we know. Okay, yeah, justin, okay, that song, by what is it? I can't pronounce her name S-A-W-E-E-T-I-E. Sweetie, sweetie. Yeah, is it the way? Because of y'all? I saw that reel. I was so excited. That is now my favorite song. That's like my answer, y'all.

Brooke Anderson:

I favorite song that's like my air from y'all. I think that one thing that I actually could say is it's okay to block people or un-add people. I have, or yeah, like let people not see your feed, because that was, you know, like people that I would compare myself to. I was like, well, they're like you know. I felt bad. I'm following them because you know they like went to my school. They would see that I'm followed. But they were bad for my mental health because they like some. It wasn't their fault, but like I was comparing myself to them and so I just had to unfollow them because that's what I needed to do for myself. So I think it's okay to unfollow people who aren't intentionally but they are dragging you down.

Erica Rawls:

I mean, those are some wise words, I mean seriously, okay. So if you don't have the capacity or you're not brave enough to just delete Instagram, tiktok and all the social media, block people, yeah, yeah, baby steps.

Brooke Anderson:

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to block them. I think that very unhealthy.

Racquelle Perry:

What's the problem? What part's unhealthy Blocking or deleting the fact that it's unhealthy for me? I have a hard time blocking people. Oh why? Probably childhood. I need to talk to my therapist. What kind of physical problem is that Any credentials? I never did, Always been very weird when it comes to blocking people. I think again it's tied to childhood trauma. I just don't want someone to need me in a moment and I'm not there to assist them.

Brooke Anderson:

That's why I said it's very unhealthy for me, because I want to make sure that I'm but the people that you want to add or block, would they really come to you first, like, think about it like that, like, if you want to add somebody, are they going to be like oh, I want to reach out to her, dr Anderson, that's good, because would you reach out to them now? That's good, that's good.

Racquelle Perry:

That's good, I don't know. That's why I said it's unhealthy for me. I have always had a problem with blocking people, not even just on social media, but you know, telephone numbers, text messages, all that. I've always had a problem with that so what boundaries have you set?

Racquelle Perry:

then I'll ignore you that, like that's a boundary, but I'll get you. Do you know? I'm disturbed on? Yeah, now that I will do like I will ignore a message, I'll ignore a phone call, but when it comes to block you so you cannot reach me at all, I have a problem with that so, um, ignoring people, is that the biggest boundary you ever set that had a positive impact on you?

Erica Rawls:

see, she didn't know. So can I tell y'all behind the scenes, true story. So, miss raquel, when coming here, I didn't even look at the questions, because you know what, I just want to be able to, just to give it raw. And now she's like oh, now I'm on the therapy table and I'm not ready. Oh, you watching you, we are watching you and and we're here supporting you. We really are. But this is like now to get back to being serious, like what is the biggest boundary that you set, like in order to protect your, you know, to protect yourself?

Racquelle Perry:

And you're saying, maybe it's like okay, just ignoring people, yeah, I'll remove myself quick from a situation, or even if it's like just ignoring or not answering uh phone calls and text messages um boundary wise.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, now that we're talking about a difference in your life, a boundary that you had to set that made a big difference in your life that's deep right.

Racquelle Perry:

Oh, I might need to work on that.

Brooke Anderson:

Yeah, you know my mind. I was always taught that you need to set your boundaries. That was like the biggest thing that I was always taught and that's helped me so much. Like so I don't I don't really struggle with that, just because that was like one of the things that was burned to my brain and it's helped me a lot do you see yourself as a people pleaser um.

Brooke Anderson:

I used to. I think I used to be a people pleaser um, like I would do things that I didn't want to do, or you know average people pleasing things. But now I'm just like, yeah, if I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it. Like I mean like working. I mean I don't want to work, but I have to work like that and not that type of thing.

Racquelle Perry:

But yeah, I don't think I consider myself a people pleaser, but I do struggle with that boundary creation situation.

Brooke Anderson:

I guess there is a way like overlooked. I think that they need to be talked at home more.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, yeah, I would love to dig into that, like um, and I wasn't expecting us to go here, right, but just you know about having trouble setting a boundary, you know what I mean?

Racquelle Perry:

yeah yeah, now you can't come into my circle and treat me any kind of way. You know what I mean. Oh, yeah, but they clarify that for the people. Yeah, no, no, there's certain people I'm not gonna. Yeah, no, I'm not gonna tolerate, you know, disrespect. I'm not gonna tolerate if I tell you something, or if I tell you like, I don't like something, or can you please stop, and then you do it again. I'm not gonna allow you to continue to do the same thing. Um, maybe that's me creating those boundaries, that's a boundary, but I feel like boundaries are more like huh, and maybe I don't have that, but I do know you see them as being final.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, yeah, maybe I see the audience like okay, so how many of you struggle with setting boundaries? Because one thing we always do with our episodes we always come back with a um, a professional in the field of you know mental health, right, whether it's a life coach or whatever makes sense with the episode. So I would like to know, so we can ask the question when they come on do you struggle with setting boundaries? Are you like Raquel, right, that says, hey, you know what, I don't know. I struggle with it only because, like, I don't want to feel so, I'm not available for someone that may need my help. So she's always thinking about other people as opposed to okay, so how is it affecting me? And that's okay, right, because we probably need more people like that, as opposed to you know, brooke, she's like no, I'm taking everything off. Y'all figure it out on your own. I gotta protect my pee there and I love that because that's what makes the world go round. That's what makes so I would love.

Brooke Anderson:

I don't think either way it is.

Erica Rawls:

Neither one is bad.

Brooke Anderson:

There's no judgment, but I think it's like if it's really affecting you like like you can't, you're thinking about every day, like then then it needs to be like, yeah, talked about and set into stone. But if you know it's really not affecting you and you like the way things are going, then you don't have to set all these boundaries. Is this okay to not set boundaries? It's also okay to set boundaries.

Racquelle Perry:

So yeah, maybe I look at boundaries as like final uh yeah, but still there's things that I don't tolerate and maybe I should look at those things as boundaries versus just things that I won't tolerate because in a way, they are boundaries, I guess yeah, not getting on at all.

Brooke Anderson:

Remember the boundary. If you say I don't want you to do this and then they do it and you say no, then you know that's boundaries. Like you're telling somebody that you don't want them to do something, yeah, and you're not letting them do something.

Racquelle Perry:

True, those are boundaries. True, very true. Look at that, those are easy boundaries. I do set boundaries, she does set boundaries.

Erica Rawls:

I'm just looking at it.

Racquelle Perry:

Stripping, yeah, stripping. Are you an all or nothing person? I'm very black or white. Okay, I'm a straight black or white yeah.

Erica Rawls:

If, like, someone does one thing to me, I'm like like I'm like I cut you up sometimes I cut people off a little too quick like I will say that I'm a, I'm a little stupid I regret. Oh wait, maybe I didn't mean to cut you off, that was do it like yes, that is too funny. And meanwhile raquel's like well you know what? Maybe, just maybe, I want to block you for a second.

Brooke Anderson:

I think I'm in a medium between us two would be like perfect. Yeah, and I love those people. Medium between us two would be like perfect.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, and not a lot of those people too many chances.

Brooke Anderson:

I feel like, yeah, that's enough. I don't yeah.

Erica Rawls:

So we talked about therapy and using our therapist right and then making sure that we're enable us to be vulnerable. So do you see that as being something that is actually working for you?

Racquelle Perry:

Yes, I always say when I talk to people or if I'm in the midst of a heated conversation look, I went through therapy and I know that at this moment, this conversation or this, what is happening, is no longer going to serve me. Let me exit stage left. Yeah, and also with therapy prior to 2019,. I don't want to say like I was an angry person, but because I didn't work through childhood trauma, I was quick to react. Okay, now with no, yeah, I'm going to get upset, but now I can compartmentalize my emotions a little bit better.

Racquelle Perry:

I love that Because before 2019, yeah, better I love that, Because before 2019, you know I would snap off and that was it for me. So there's growth but now.

Racquelle Perry:

That's great, yeah, now I'm, you know I'm good now, right, in terms of how I process my emotions and acknowledging and that goes to again with me saying earlier like I feel, I know how I feel and I'm in tune with my body. Like I know when I feel a certain amount of pressure, I know where I feel overwhelmed, I know when I'm like overly sad or overly mad, and I pay attention to that and I do what is necessary. And that came from therapy, those tools came from therapy, yeah.

Brooke Anderson:

And that's with me, like getting out of my comfort zone, being able to have conversations with people. I was like I wouldn't say that I was shy. I was never shy, but I was always so incredibly anxious like I. I'm a very anxious person. Like I twiddle I do this. I always move my hands when I talk. That's just me. But, um, I think that she's really helped me work through anxieties that I have.

Brooke Anderson:

Like I used to be scared of the dark. I I just didn't want to go. Like I didn't want to do anything. Like I was always very scared to like have conversation with people and meet new people. I would never go up to a stranger and be like I like your outfit. And now, like I, it's little things like that I could do now. Like if I see a pretty person on the street, I'm like you look so good today. Like I even just little things I couldn't do because I was just so anxious. I'd be like, oh my gosh. But if you compliment somebody, no one's ever going to be mean to you. They're going to be like, oh my gosh, you just made my day. Like you don't think about that. When you're anxious, you're just like, oh God, oh God, they could be a horrible person. That's always what I thought.

Racquelle Perry:

Therapy definitely gives you confidence.

Brooke Anderson:

Yes, yeah, so like yes, I think. So much more confidence and much less anxieties about things that never needed to have an anxiety over at all. So that was my. That was my biggest thing was like I got out of a shell, that's new.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, I love it.

Brooke Anderson:

I recommend therapy to everybody too, like I think everyone should do, even if you think that you don't have any problems. So like, yeah, that's how I was. I was like I don't have any problems. Everyone has anxiety, everyone's sad, sometimes everyone's, you know, because it's true. But they help you gain confidence and you'll still have anxieties about stuff. It's not to say that they like if you go to therapy, you're gonna be solved, everything's solved and you're cured like no, but they help you work through it and they help you get the tools that you need.

Erica Rawls:

They help you get to that emotional. Well, that, I think, is very important for people Like I really do so because, again, going back to the comparison syndrome, it's so easy to fall into that and one thing that has helped I've seen, just for me personally, is finding out what your true purpose is and just block out the noise from the outside. And once you start working in your true purpose, you start getting goosebumps, like you really start getting goosebumps, and then everything around you just does not matter. And then by the time you realize it, right, you decide to take a look back at what you've done, like, wow, look how many people I positively impact.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah.

Erica Rawls:

Just because I decided to block out the noise and just focus on my purpose. So I applaud the two of you for being here to be brave.

Brooke Anderson:

I would have literally never like I think I said this last time I would have never done something like this.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, to be brave and just to talk to our audience. I want to have you all back when we had the you know, the four of us together again, because I think it's important to continue to have the conversation, and I like the fact that you, the two of you are vulnerable, for you are ambitious, resilient people and I was drawn to you for different reasons, and when you all come together, it's just, it's a powerful thing vulnerability is important in every setting because you never know who your story can touch, how you can help somebody through something.

Racquelle Perry:

Um, give people clarity on how you you know what I mean how you respond to certain things. That's why I said therapy. I was vulnerable with my therapist. Day one, I sat on her couch and boohoo cry. First day day one sat down, boohoo cry, like oh, finally, okay, now let me tell you my life story so that you can help me through this.

Erica Rawls:

So funny. So I love that. I love that for you all. So then, if there is one piece of advice you could give to our listeners about prioritizing your emotional wealth, I think you did it. What would it be? Therapy? They said therapy. I don't know.

Brooke Anderson:

They said find yourself a good therapist. How do you find yourself a good therapist? My mom's therapist.

Erica Rawls:

So it was a recommend to her. So you got your therapy, mom.

Racquelle Perry:

How do you so? I sorry, no, you're fine. Um insurance. I went through my insurance and got a list of insurance I mean therapists that they covered um. But then I was also one of the people who I wanted a black female therapist, okay, who also had christian values, because I knew the conversations we were going to have and I knew where we were going to dive deep and I still wanted us to be able to be transparent about my experiences and I wanted her to be able to understand my experience. You know what I mean? It's just certain things. Yeah, if we're going to be honest and vulnerable and transparent here, that, as a black woman that I deal with on a daily basis, that I just wanted to make sure that the person who's going to provide me the tool to work through would understand my experience a little bit, yeah.

Erica Rawls:

So, yeah, that's therapy expensive and there may be someone out there that doesn't, mine's, not I I gave like 50 dollars, yeah, and that's.

Brooke Anderson:

I think it is covered by insurance.

Erica Rawls:

It is.

Racquelle Perry:

You can get it covered by insurance.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, so yeah, and I do know that there's some people that give, and you don't have to go every day, you don't have to, no.

Brooke Anderson:

So I think people also think, oh, you have to go like all the time, you don't. I go when I feel like, are you available? Like next week, I just go, maybe like twice a month, and I started going once a week, and then she's like, okay, I think you're you're not better, I think that you should just come every two weeks now, and then I'm hoping to go like just once a month and then maybe I'll be like good without it, you know when I started, I was in therapy twice a week because, like I said, there was so much that I needed to unpack, yeah.

Racquelle Perry:

And then we transitioned from two days a week to one day a week and then she was like, okay, we can do one therapy two weeks, yeah. So it just depends on where you are in your journey, how vulnerable and open you're going to be with your therapist, because you have to go into the situation being open Like you can't go into, and I get it. What's the point If you're not?

Erica Rawls:

going for your true self with your therapist and have to go in.

Brooke Anderson:

That way you're wasting money. Yeah, no, you're wasting money.

Erica Rawls:

This is really good. We're going to continue the conversation and y'all if you haven't noticed, whether you're listening or if you're watching we have a community that is growing and we are really excited about the conversations that we're having on, specifically on our YouTube channel. People, we are responding to the comments or the questions that you have and then, based on how well it resonates, we do have people that come back, just like we did with Brooke and Raquel today, like we've done in the past. This is all about you, so we would love to know what other topics that you would like to discuss. And oh, by the way, don't look at other people's outsides and compare your insides. That's not healthy at all. So one of the biggest strategies I've heard today is, if you do struggle with that whether setting boundaries or comparison syndrome or just coming up with some ways to just have an emotionally wealthy life get a therapist and then join groups like this that are gonna support each other. And until next time, y'all keep it real.

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Erica Rawls

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